Catholic Church Chooses Condom-less Porn Over Contraceptives. The Holy See has seen the light, says if it comes to a choice between condoms in porn and contraceptives, let them go bare!
A Vatican spokesperson said today that it is officially opposed to the use of condoms in porn.
“While we are not going so far as to bless any of the recent releases from major studios such as Vivid, Evil Angel or Wicked Pictures, we have kept ourselves apprised of the use of condoms in motion pictures produced by these and other studios, as well as the plethora of content being produced for internet-only distribution, and have come to the official position that as long as the bird is bare it is in accordance with the Church’s strict prohibition against contraception,” said the spokesperson, who declined to be named.
“In that regard,” he added, hesitating to find the exact wording, “these creations are of a lesser order of venality.”
Reaction in the room was instantaneous. Nuns in attendance blushed. Bishops who had traveled to the Vatican on official business nodded their heads in sage agreement. Altar boys busy preparing for daily services seemed literally enlightened at the news, and went about their business with a renewed sense of purpose, as if the pressure of having to make a constant choice between porn and condoms was lifted from all.
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