Review: "Gay Dorm Whores"

Studio: High Drive Productions - Spunkstar
Director: Brady Mayo
Year Released: 2009
Running Time: 105 minutes

Sometimes the only thing a gay-porn feature has going for it is the title. And such is definitely the case with Gay Dorm Whores. It’s a great title, sure. But on the whole, it’s not such a great DVD. And the title is a bit deceiving. The guys featured are definitely gay, they’re definitely whores (literally and figuratively; more on that later), but there isn’t a dorm anywhere in sight. And the model’s ages flashed on screen at the beginning of every scene are not entirely accurate (more on that later, too). The DVD is a series of scenes shot for twink-porn website SpunkStars.com, and not a straight-forward narrative. But if you’re watching Gay Dorm Whores you’re not really looking for plot, are you? No, you’re looking for hot young twinks getting down and dirty. And almost all the lads on view here share similar attributes: they're wafer thin, hairless bodied, ready for sex at the drop of a hat, and all in desperate need of a sandwich. Let’s duck into the “dorm” and see what these young pups are up to.

Scene one starts out poolside with Chad Fitch (18) & Lewis Cannon (21). Inquisitive Chad asks Lewis if he can teach him the “backstroke”. Lewis joins the little cutie in the water for some lessons, but they don’t have much to do with swimming. Chad mentions having a girlfriend (ha!) and equally inquisitive Lewis asks him if he’s ever been with a guy. Chad says no (double ha!), and you can quickly tell where this is going: straight to Lewis’ bedroom, where he promises to show Chad “what real swimmers do”. Well apparently real swimmers love to suck cock, as he chows down on Chad’s dick (which has a great downward, throat-friendly curve to it). Chad returns the favor and works on Lewis’ completely shaved crank (showing considerable cock-sucking skills for a supposedly straight dude). The action features a split screen at times, but both images show exactly the same thing. So it really adds nothing unique or interesting to the proceedings and it just comes off as unnecessary.

Next comes the fucking as Chad lowers his “virgin ass” onto Lewis’ love stick. If Chad has a virgin ass, then I’m Lucille Ball. He slides his hole smack down onto his partner’s pole with the ease of a warm knife going through butter. But he looks so friggin’ adorable doing it! Chad’s cock stays rock hard throughout and because of the forward curve to his dick, it stands straight up in the air as he rides Lewis’ sausage. I love the fucking here thanks to the very audible squishing sounds. They definitely didn’t skimp on the lube! IMHO, we need more juicy, sloppy, squishy-sounding anal pounding in gay porn. Very hot, indeed. They move into a spoon fuck, then missionary with Chad’s sweet feet way up over his head as Lewis pokes his cute pucker. Both jerk off and shoot their loads and the cum shots are repeated again for our pleasure in slow motion (my favorite kind of cum shot, actually).

Scene two features Lucian Alexander (18) & Vance Caldwell (18). Think Charles Nelson Reilly and Paul Lynde reincarnated as cute twink porn stars and you’ll get an idea of their personalities. They sure ain’t butch, bless their hearts. Not hatin’…just sayin’. Vance can’t get his car started and asks Lucian for help. But it’s actually Vance that’s having trouble getting started. And it doesn’t take him long to convince Lucian to assist. Soon they’re stripping off their clothes and making out on the hood of the car. Vance strips to reveal a neon pink wrestling singlet that is hysterical and hideous at the same time. Lucian, stripped down a designer black jock strap, kneels down and inhales Vance’s cock. Vance sucks on Lucian’s love missile a bit before Lucian is back at it again on Vance’s pole.

The scene moves quickly to anal with Lucian flat on his back on the hood of the car and his legs in the air. He’s a truly passionate, vocal bottom and in sheer heaven while taking Vance’s cock in his sweet ass in a variety of positions. His moans and groans of pure ecstasy never let up and never come off as fake or forced. This kid was either born to be fucked or is an Oscar-calibur actor. It’s difficult to focus on Vance with such a scene-stealer like Lucian on hand. But some credit should be given to top-boy Vance, who must doing something right to elicit such intense bliss from Lucian (although Vance does look at the camera one too many times, which is a bit distracting). Also distracting is the video camera atop a tripod in clear view in certain scenes. Come on, SpunkStars.com. I know this scene was shot primarily for your website, but step up the production values just a bit. It just looks sloppy and careless. Both performers make out and jerk themselves off to a sticky and sweet finish.

In a complete 180-degree turn from the last scene, the third segment features some of the most robotic, joyless, and emotionless sex I’ve ever witnessed in porn. Kenny C (21) & Blake Carter (20) are supposedly step brothers (definitely a hot concept) who are both shirtless and tossing a beach ball back and forth on a sunny day in a field. Tossing a beach ball but they’re not at the beach? Was a football just too butch for them to pull off? Or maybe SpunkStars.com couldn’t afford a football? Something tells me it’s the latter. Anyway, they both say how happy they are to be stepbrothers (you gotta love bad porn dialogue sometimes) and Kenny asks Blake (who has a cute Southern accent) if he’s ever “messed around with a guy before.” Blake of course says no, and a few seconds later Kenny drops to his knees to give Blake a truly half-assed blowjob. It’s almost like he’s yawning rather than sucking. It’s really difficult to watch this entire segment, because the look on Blake’s face tells you he’d rather be anywhere but here. Almost like he’d rather be home playing “World of Warcraft” then having sex on camera with a cute Southern boy. Blake gives Kenny a marginally better blow job, and rims his ass in the back of their minivan. Kenny fucks Blake in a number of positions, also in the minivan, and both remain silent throughout. Blake does come while getting fucked, which was nice to see, while Kenny lies besides him and jerks some ropes of his own (with the shadow of the cameraman featured prominently on Kenny’s leg). It’s scenes like this that the fast-forward button on your remote control was built for.

Our next scene is another 180-degree turn from the last, but this time it’s for the better. Aaron Landcaster (18) plays a gardener and Brendan David (25) is his boss. Brendan complains to Aaron about his lack of work around the yard, and Aaron replies smartly that he wants a raise. The only thing getting raised here is Brendan’s MASSIVE dick as he whips it out of his shorts for Aaron to snack on. With Brendan’s wasp waist and tightly-trimmed pubes, his dick looks ginormous! Brendan tells Aaron “the only reason why I hired you is because I heard you were a good cocksucker”. And boy, were those stories true. Aaron looks quite happy and very fetching with a huge dong in his mouth. Aaron puts one leg up on the patio table and boss-man Brendan rims his sweet hole. Brendan looks equally as fetching with his tongue in a tight pucker.

Big-dicked Brendan sits down on a patio chair and Aaron squats ass down onto his meaty fuck stick. More split screen action featured here adds nothing to the heat of the scene, and the occasional flashes of light from the still camera man are annoying. Brendan’s cock looks fantastic sliding in and out of Aaron’s bung with his huge balls slapping noisily against his ass checks. Aaron has that “hurts so good” expression on his face and it’s a pleasure to witness a bottom who truly loves being fucked. The ass pounding moves to the patio table with Brendan nailing Aaron from behind. More Ed Wood-esque production values rear their ugly head yet again (this time it’s the lights that sneak into the frame) and take your concentration right out of the scene. The fucking turns to missionary, with Aaron knowing just how he likes to get fucked and telling Brendan exactly when he’s hitting the right spot. He comes while getting pounded (nice!), and Brendan blows a sweet, hot load all over Aaron’s happy and satisfied face.

Our final scene takes place in an apartment overlooking the ocean (I’m thinking this was shot in Florida, maybe?) featuring performers Kyle Baglie (18) & JD Stone (21). JD is rocking a really unfortunate wife-beater-t-shirt-and-sunglasses tan line (seriously, he looks ridiculous) and seems far too old to be in a twink video. He and cute Kyle make out on the couch naked, jerk each other off and trade blow jobs. JD swoops Kyle off his feet and carries him into the bedroom (admittedly a nice romantic touch) and plops him down on the bed. But the two really have no sexual chemistry or sparks, and both phone in the sex featured here. JD plants his hole down onto Kyle’s crank, riding him cowboy style on the bed, and shortly after they move to semi-doggy style with JD’s chest and arms flat on the bed and his feet on the floor while Kyle nails him from behind. Then it’s time for a flip-flop fuck as JD lies back on the bed and Kyle mounts his ass onto his dick, which segues into doggy style and then missionary. Kyle blows his load onto JD’s face, and JD blows his cream all over the mirrored-closet door. And I guarantee you won’t give a shit about any of this. Nothing kills a sex scene faster than two performers who cannot fake they are attracted to each other.

The special features on the DVD contain three interview segments with six of the performers. What’s interesting is the fact that some of the models confess to actually being older than the ages that are flashed onscreen for them at the beginning of each sex scene. For example, Lucian Alexander is actually 24, not 18. And Vance Caldwell says that his first name is actually “Viva” (???). Why make up fake ages for these guys and then feature interviews with them that contradict that information? Again, it’s the shoddiness and sloppiness of the whole production that bothers me and points to director Brady Mayo’s apparent lack of respect for his audience. Oh, and almost all of the models confess to working as escorts. Hey, ho’s gotta eat, too. There’s also a cum-shot compilation reel, a slide show (which would have been nicer if it allowed you to advance to the next slide using your remote control, rather than the images moving along on their own), and previews for other titles including “After-School Jizz Fest”.

If you’re a die-hard twink fan, then perhaps shoddy production values and lackluster sex scenes may not bother you all that much. Three of the five scenes were watchable, with two really standing (but that’s comparing them to the rest of the scenes featured on the DVD, which isn’t saying much at all). But for me, that’s simply not enough to recommend this feature. Two and a half splats for Gay Dorm Whores.