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Review: "Robert Van Damme's Private Party 3 - The Mystery Revealed!"

Studio: RVD Productions

Running Time: 95 minutes

Year of Release: 2009

Starring: Hugo Alexander, Jessie Balboa, Tim Kelly, Arpad Miklos, Luke Riley, Romario, Matthew Rush, Tyler Saint, Robert Van Damme, and Hunter Vance

Tag line: My invitation must have gotten lost in the mail!

Robert Van Damme knows hot muscle sex, and knows how to host a hot party!

Chapters:

Chapter 1 - Arpad Miklos and Tim Kelly are the first two guests to arrive at the party, but not much time is spent getting wet in the pool. Instead, Tim and Arpad explain that they were invited to the party but don’t know who invited them. Arpad is a hot muscle bear top that really gives it all to equally muscular and bearish Tim. This is a pretty damn hot muscle dad scene.

These two hot fuckers take turns sucking before Tim gets to rim Arpad real deep as Arpad squats on his face. Taking a seat on some poolside furniture, Arpad gets ridden like a champ with some hot nasty talk while Tim enjoys the deep penetration.

Little do they know that Robert Van Damme is watching everything from the comforts of the house.

Chapter 2 - Matthew Rush shows up at the door and Robert Van Damme seems surprised and somewhat confused. The two relax on the love seat and chat for a bit before Robert Van Damme goes to work sucking on Matthew’s big hard cock. Not to be an ungracious guest, Matthew returns the favor and thoroughly enjoys sucking on Robert’s equally impressive equipment.

It doesn’t take long before Matthew Rush is getting his tight muscle ass rimmed and prepped to take Robert’s thick shaft. Again Matthew returns the favor with some spit filled ass eating on the love seat.

These two men are so loud and verbal during sex, I’m certain the neighbors called the cops! I can’t say much more than two hot muscle men, really verbal ass pounding and a big-dicked bottom, getting fucked by a thick and juicy top is pretty damn sweet.

Chapter 3 - Meanwhile upstairs, Jessie Balboa and Hunter Vance are making out in the bedroom. These two hot studs might not be muscle studs,but they both have hot bods and do know how to make out. A hot 69 scene showing off a nice metal cock ring is quickly followed up by a dripping ass eating on the bed. One thing is for certain, Jessie Balboa is SO ready to get a piece of Hunter deep inside.

These guys get into the rough talk just like the other men at the party. The inked up Hunter Vance really gives Jessie the cock he’s looking for. I’m not one for shaved men, and these two most definitely shave the fur off, what a shame. After a just a couple of positions, these boy lay down and each jack a load on to their own chests.

Bridging Chapters 3 and 4 Robert Van Damme checks his guest list and finds that he’s still missing a few guests, specifically Tyler Saint and flashes back to another time when Robert topped Tyler.

Chapter 4 - Hugo Alexander, Romario (pay-for-gay), and Luke Riley can’t figure out who’s house they are in or who is hosting the party. Tyler Saint finally arrives and let’s the men know that they are in for a good party. Robert Van Damme sits down next to Tyler and let’s everyone know that he planned the party for just a few hot men, then takes Tyler up to his bedroom for a surprise.

Hugo, Romario, and Luke waste no time at all before stripping down and getting to work sucking each other off. Romario is the center of Hugo and Luke’s attention before Hugo gives Luke a nice tea-bagging and rim-job. It’s not too long before Luke gets a pole in each hole as Hugo fucks him from behind and Luke sucks on Romario’s impressive prick.

Romario decides that it’s his turn to pound their hot bottom man and Luke happily takes it all while sucking Hugo’s hot cock. A couple more turns on each top’s cock and Luke unloads on his chest before Hugo and Romario also make their deposits.

Chapter 5 - Tyler Saint and Robert Van Damme finally make their way up to Robert’s bedroom and Robert spills the beans that he dreams of getting fucked by the right guy; and that right guy is Tyler Saint. After some slightly uncomfortable dialog, Robert moves in to pounce on his first top. After a considerable amount of kissing and groping Robert gets to business on Tyler’s cock.

Tyler takes his turn on Robert’s cock in the bed before rimming his hot ass. The two grind on the bed for a while before Robert climbs up on Tyler to get into position. For a first time bottom he take Tyler’s cock with a bit of resistance before riding his cock on the bed.

Robert moves to the end of the bed so that Tyler Saint can get a better position to slam his cock deep inside Robert Van Damme’s ass. Robert shoots his heavy load of cum from his uncut cock all over his chest while Tyler pounds his ass with intent that can be heard. Tyler quickly adds his load to Robert’s smooth chest.

Extras:

Cast Interviews - Members of the cast share their first experiences in porn, wildest and best sexual experiences, most exciting fantasies, perfect dates, hobbies, and more in these one-on-one interviews.

Behind the Scenes - 10 minutes of outtakes and bloopers from the production.

Bonus “Fluffer” Scene - This is an extra scene from the cutting room floor of Jessie Balboa and Hunter Vance sucking poolside.

RVD Films Trailers - Trailers for Anal Intruders, Robert Van Damme’s Private Party, Robert Van Damme’s Private Party 2 - The Mystery Continues, and Butt Bouncers.

MiamiJ’s Take:

If you love muscle men having hot verbal sex, then this movie’s for you. Don’t expect kink, just hot, sweaty and buff men doing what these men do best, fuck.

REVIEW: In Bed With Mike Roberts

Is Mike Roberts your type? He's on the cover and no doubt you've seen him around and in a lot of things. Fair skinned and big dicked, he's hard not to like. However, if you're not a fan, give this video a pass. Luscious Mike is in two scenes, one with Corbin Michaels and another with Caleb Carter. His performances remind me of Rex Chandler and his ilk, because he seems like a straight porn star that orders from a limited menu (will get sucked and rimmed, will fuck). Of course, your mileage may vary.

The flick also includes a scene with Leo Passos and Felix Stuhlbach (nice) and another with Andre Gaucho and Poax Lenehan (nicer), and a couple of solos (always a mark of excellence in gay porn :) ) from Bira Vaz and Pete (deserving a single moniker). All in all not a bad flick, whose buy-ability is directly related to your adoration of Mike Roberts. (Me: "Oh no, I can't deny it, oh yeah, guess I'm gonna buy it")

Pirate's Booty

Okay, this one might not be for everyone. For you snack food lovers, this is hot sex and not puffed cheese. In this fully animated fuck flick, the characters resemble those in the "Grand Theft Auto" series or other video games. The video comes from Adult Source Media, that has produced straight animated porn, and this is their first foray into the gay side.

The plot concerns pirates, including Captain Jack Swallows, on the high seas and encountering a spirit that has sex with the crew and captain and then takes their form. In the first photo, a redheaded crewman has just had sex with a dreadlocked native, who is actually the spirit, and the spirit takes the form the crewman after they cum. He then makes it back on the ship in the redhead's form. He takes on the forms of several other crewmen, and there's a good deal of fucking and sucking, about the same as a "normal" gay porn flick.

The special effects are interesting, and some of the angles are very cool. The second picture shows the spirit, in the form of the captain, fucking a cute, comely cabin boy on a cannon (try saying that 3 times fast). The shot starts up by the crow's nest and works its way down to the two of them. Such a shot would cost way too much to do in "real life" porn and adds another level to this effort. In the end, the captain saves the day and gets his cabin boy, although he probably had him already.

Overall, your millage may vary, but I thought it was a good porn flick. Of course, part of me kept wishing the Blue Fairy would come along and change the CG cabin boy into a real boy. Hot guys, cool setting, some nice special effects - you can ask for more from you gay porn, but you might not get it.

Reviews on the Blog!!!

Blog people (i.e people who follow the blog):

Per Paulie's polite suggestion, I am getting my ass in gear and posting reviews of movies that I've wanted to review, but never got around to on the PornCast. Even though I do more than 100 video reviews a year, the world of gay porn out supplies my podcast production. Hopefully, this will be another resource for our listeners (all two of you that can't get enough of my reviews).

However, first a couple words about blog reviews versus PornCast reviews. On the 'cast, I spend a lot of time going through each scene, and I'm too lazy to do that on the blog. Thus, the blog reviews will be a lot more concise and will deal with the videos in broader brush strokes. I'll tell you what I liked and what I didn't like. I will highlight scenes that I think are especially good.

Also (and also too), I won't be using the famous "splats" ("rock hard," "boner," etc.) on the blog reviews because the splats wouldn't have the needed context. For example, I might give something three splats (***) on the Porncast review, but I have more time to explain that maybe for a twink lover, it should be considered to have higher rating, or that bear lovers should stay away.

Last, but not least, the blog reviews will give you a chance in the comments to tell me what you think. On the PornCast, you'd have to write an email, wait for it to escape the accretion disk (look it up) of the black hole that is our mailbag, and have us read it on the air. With the blog, you are able to tell my my review is full of shit (or how wonderful it is) and why.

Questions, complaints, complements? Leave in the comments.
Stay Hard, Evan

Video Reviews from GPT#107

TITLE: COMMUNION
RATING: *** 1/2 {splats}
STUDIO: Hot House Video
DIRECTOR: Steven Scarborough
LENGTH: 143 minutes
EXTRAS: (2-disc set); Chapters; cum-shots chapter;
highlights chapter; gallery; trailers
OUR TAG LINE: “Take, eat, watch, enjoy!”

Scene 1: Marko Hansom, Nickolay Petrov, Max Schutler & C.J. Knight
Scene 2: Francesco D'Macho & Jason Ridge
Scene 3: Steve Cruz, Matt Cole & Vinnie D'Angelo
Scene 4: Francesco D'Macho & Tony Mecelli
Scene 5: Kent North, Alex Collack & Josh Weston

Hot leather video! Hooded monks and weird rituals: forget it! They might add ambiance, but you should see it for the sex. Scene 3 has some awesome sling work, but get thee to scene 5 if you want to see ripped guys going at it! Who needs plot when you've got this much leather on muscle men?

TITLE: HOT LUNCH
RATING: *** {splats}
STUDIO: Titanmen-Fresh
DIRECTOR: Richie Oldmann
LENGTH: 122 Minutes
EXTRAS: Chapters; cum-shots chapter;
behind-the-scenes; gallery; trailers
OUR TAG LINE: “Food Fight! With Euro guys”

Scene 1: Gary Owan, Lenny Bell & Gaige Brody
Scene 2: Felix Slovacek, Richie Rich & Georgio Black
Scene 3: Martin Hod, Otto Roberts & Alex Manchini

If you're too hot, go INTO the kitchen. Euro, uncut men having hot sex in the kitchen and nearby. Only three scenes in this one, but each scene is a three-way, so it kind of evens out. My favorite scene is scene 1, with Gary and Gaige coming into the cafeteria for a meal of Lenny. Laverne and Shirley was never like this!